I AM SHOCKED BUT NOT STIRRED

Tuesday 19 May 2015

So much rain – what on earth is going on?  This is May after all

Day started horrifically early when OH leaped out of bed at 6 am and started running around the house and not being able to find stuff.  Dog put his paws over his head and tried to pretend it wasnt happening.  At 7 he left and dog and I were already worn out.  By 7.30 OH had rung to say that the windscreen wipers had packed in and he was having to drive at speed in order to force the rain off the windscreen.  By some miracle he arrived at the ferry port in one piece.  Terrible forecast for Bay of Biscay.

Spent day sorting out paperwork.  Walked dog.  At 5.30 I had had enough of my own company and went down town.  The sun had made an appearance and I bought a Arts et Decoration magazine and settled down with a shandy to read it.  The local bar was packed with Brits and the owner, also a Brit came and joined me on the terrace.  He kicked off by telling me how professional I was and how everyone spoke well of me.  I know that some of the local agents hate my guts, but kept quiet about this fact.  He told me about the landscape gardening business he was setting up and offered to buy me another shandy.  I said ‘why not’.  Some other people hovered around – one of them, an Australian with exactly the same birthday as me, came out and rolled a fag and leered.  It suddenly occurred to me how much he resembled Father Jack from the wonderful Father Ted TV series.  A Frenchman came along and the bar owner asked how he was and he replied ‘mustn’t grumble’ – hilarious.  He is obviously spending far too much time with Brits.  He also knows ‘sick as a parrot’.

The bar owner supped his pint reflectively and changed tack.  He told me that he was quite happy for his wife to have affairs as it put spice back into their marriage.  I was really shocked as I could not imagine this of his wife, who I thought I knew very well.  He said she has affairs periodically and then comes back and tells him all about it.  His wife, busy behind the bar, smiled and waved.  I started to regret saying I would have another shandy and started to drink it quickly.  He then said what an attractive lady I was and he also had affairs, though what he had told me was strictly between us.  I went from being shocked to being traumatised.

The voice in my head, which had been saying ‘WTF and what the hell is he thinkin of’ said ‘time to go’ so I did.

Dreamed that I had gone to help out on a farm and the farmer expected me to sleep on a patch of grass under some ropy canvas and with a pile of manure within smelling distance. I woke up annoyed and saying I wanted a bedroom of my own, or he could find another mug to do the job.

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