How to end up in Casualty…

Thursday 5 February 2015

0 cold and cloudy
Snow still lingering

Inform OH that our neighbour has a new puppy dog.  He emerges from the duvet to ask if it is the same sort of bastard dog as before.  Well, yes it is but this time it is little and we have chance to make friends with it.  The old dog, which our dog is very happy to have outlived, only understood the local dialect and hated everyone.  He regularly bit the post van tyres with the result that the post box was some distance up and across the road from the actual house.  One Christmas Eve, I went to pay for my wood, and the dog shot out and bit me through my wax jacket and jeans, with the result that we spent Christmas Eve in the Accident and Emergency Unit of a nearby hospital.   It is not the best place for a night out. A nurse, whilst stitching up my leg, said that it never failed to amaze her, how many ways people find to injure themselves.  

Extract from

[–]mistawac 114 points 3 years ago 
So I worked at a movie theatre in high school. It was a pretty laid back place at the time due to this theatre being down the street from another doing better business. So I was 16 and working a Wednesday night with one other kid, we’ll call him Felcher. We’d each been there around a year so he trusted us to watch the place when he had to take off for an emergency with his six month old. Bad idea.
This was around the time that Cheaper by the Dozen 2 came out and we had one of those seven foot tall promo displays for it. It was Steve Martin with the whole family surrounding him. We also had those little usher brooms you know, the brooms that would be perfect for a midget. We liked to toss those like javelin through the displays after we were done with them. We’d spent about 45 minutes with this and I was getting bored. So I started to actually work and did my rounds (checked bathrooms and theatres, cleaned up a bit, started powering down game machines). When I walked back into the lobby I saw Steve standing there, staring me down. So I sprinted towards him, leapt off of a nearby bench, and ninja kicked him RIGHT in the face. The cardboard was a bit more rigid than I thought. I went through, but that’s it. My foot was stuck for a moment and I kind of dangled there for a millisecond until my foot came loose and I fell, elbow dropping the tile flooring we had. I stood up and shook myself off and realized that my elbow was instantly the size of a large grapefruit. It was also the worst bruise I’d seen in my life.
I couldn’t move it. Not from pain because, surprisingly, it barely hurt, but from sheer inability – this sorta freaked me out. So I decided, “Fuck it, I got work to do.” and went back to work. After about 10 minutes it started to hurt like hell. I forgot to mention, it was stuck in and L shape. So I go back to Fletcher and ask him to try to straighten it out. I grab a piece of Steve’s face to bite down on when he pulls and he does it. It swings out then snaps right back into place. At this point I start freaking out. We only had a half hour left and we both had keys to the place so I asked him to close up while I head home and figure this out.
The drive home sucked ass. I drove manual at the time and this was my right arm, so no shifting was possible with that arm. I drove completely with my left hand, quick shifting and switching gears fast enough to leave my hand off the wheel as short as possible. I get home, fashion up some lie that I slipped in the parking lot and head to the hospital. Ended up tearing EVERY single ligament in my elbow. All of ’em. Hence the inability to move it. Got to wear a big ass, Terminator looking arm brace for 8 months and undergo physical therapy. It still hurts whenever it gets cold and I can’t completely flatten that arm. Dumbest. Thing. Ever.
tl;dr – Dropped kicked Steve Martin. Tore every elbow ligament. Theatre paid for it because I “fell in the parking lot”

    Went down to market.  Bone chillingly cold.  A notary rang and we discussed two cases, both of which are becoming problematic.  The lady I was waiting for arrived with the keys and paperwork and I had a quick look around the stalls.  Market only half the summer size. The river has dropped significantly and is full of thrashed up bits of tree and plant matter. Went to coffee shop and chatted to people and bought OH a croissant with almonds to cheer him up.  Received email cancelling 4.30 visit today which was some relief as it would have been an hour and a half drive and the people haven’t even put their house on the market.  They do however, live somewhere where property sells very quickly.  I would dearly love to know where this place is.  I would go and be an estate agent there.  Immediately.

    Back home and found OH out of bed and he had lit both fires so house was oozing delightful heat.  Did catch up of emails and clients and watched Bargain Hunt.  I do love Charles Hanson, but paying 130 pounds for one plate is the bonkers end of bonkers.  

    Pool closed today so took dog for a walk up the hill.  The pale sun brought no warmth. Thought of the height of the summer when you have to hide in the house with the shutters closed.  Long for dry and temperate climate where you don’t freeze or boil.  

    Tackled ironing mountain and OH made supper and rang up people from eBay.  He had been promised a refund by a seller who firstly said she couldn’t give a refund through PayPal and then, when I had told her how to do it, had then said she had spent all the money in her PayPal account and so would have to wait until she had made some more sales before she could refund us.  It is not a large amount but OH is big on principle.  He then attempted to send some cash to someone and the card reader refused to work.  He spent 20 minutes on the chat function and then rang up a very unhelpful woman who kept on telling him that the cards were interchangeable but you needed one for each account.  He decided to send a cheque.  This kept him amused for ever such a long time with the result that we only just had time to eat and wash up before it was time for the Great British Sewing Bee.


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